Three Up, Three Down; Back to the Zoo

I love being a student at the flagship University of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

But like all things we love, there are inevitably going to be some aspects that we don’t care for as much.

So without further ado let’s get right into it:

Three Up:

  1. The Food

No need to bury the lede here.

2. The Friends

Friendship makes the world go round.

3. The Opportunities

Enroll in a challenging course that’ll push you out of your comfort zone! Join an extracurricular that you’re passionate about! Take an eighth of shrooms!

The power is in your hands.

Three Down:

  1. The Toilet Paper

I can no longer sit here and act as if everything is A-O.K at this fine university when the toilet paper provided has the density of air. How am I supposed to “improve the lives of the people of the Commonwealth, the nation, and the world.” when I can’t even improve the treatment of my own butthole?

Luckily this year I came prepared:

For Sale; five cents per sheet

I’m a Charmin three-ply man. Always have been; always will be.

Im tempted to take this matter right up to the top:

Image result for chancellor subbaswamy

2. Corner Rooms

I always thought people’s hate for the corner room was unfounded and over the top.

It can’t really be that small…right?


So in an effort to save space my roommate and I had to start making some decisions on what we could do to cut down on clutter.

Should we loft both of our beds?

Should we just not have a T.V?

Let’s get rid of both our desks.


But despite a moment of ingenious innovation in interior design, we were quickly met with a knock on our door courtesy of a couple RAs saying we couldn’t just throw our desks into the common room and act as if they belonged there.

It’s truly sad to see that this fine institution doesn’t support a few good men with exceptional critical thinking and problem solving.

I’m tempted to take this matter right up to the top:

Image result for chancellor subbaswamy

3. UMass Football





Image result for crying gif

Sometimes in life, you gotta fall before you can fly- Go U. #InWaltWeTrust


All things considered? It feels great to be back at the zoo.

Let’s have ourselves a year.


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