Honestly Just Click the Link So I Don’t Starve to Death

By: Jake Sockett Twitter: @SockettJake Instagram: @jake.sockett

I honestly think that it’s important to know which celebrities you look like so that if you’re ever in a place where you need a quick disguise or a friend to save you from a weird situation by running up to you and yelling “oh my god! It’s you! XYZ!”

It’s a handy solution to a lot of potential issues.

When reflecting upon this thought, I came up with a list of six celebrities I think I could pass for in a situation where I’m left with no other options. 

The Definitive List of My Celebrity Lookalikes:

  1. Ellen DeGeneres

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2) Chord Overstreet

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3) A Young Vladimir Putin

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4) That kid from the Polar Express

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5) Otis from Back at the Barnyard

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6) Travis Scott (I know what you’re thinking just bear with me)

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Now obviously not every one of these celebrities are my doppelganger but I do think that I could pass for them in a SNAFU.

Who’s to say I’m not any of them though? I haven’t been seen in the same room as any of these people*. 

Stay frosty.

NNNN

Editor’s Note:

*- Image result for shaq real shit

 

 

NNNN Episode #22 with Taeko Gupta

Awesome conversation with Taeko about:

-UMass Amherst Voices

-Comedy in today’s world

-Importance of History

-Armchair Activism

-Pros/Cons of irony

and more.

Hope everyone enjoys (and shares with at least 2 friends):

https://anchor.fm/s/9f00fb0/podcast/rss

NNNN

P.S- Make sure to check out Taeko’s blog at https://tgupta820.wixsite.com/taekogupta

 

 

 

 

Happy Halloween

By: Jake Sockett Twitter: @SockettJake Instagram: @jake.sockett

The day is almost upon us. You can smell it in the air, see it in the leaves, and boy can you see it on my face. We wait around all year for this day. It’s what drives us to get through the first half of a fall semester and tides us over to Christmas. For some people, this day means more than the birth of their first-born child.

November 1st.

The day all these fucking Halloween zealots return to their god-forsaken caves and have to stop talking about “#spookyszn!!!”

I like Halloween. I like an excuse to dress in costumes and do accents and generally act in a way that is contradictory to my normal life. What I don’t like are the people who blow up my Twitter with skeleton gifs and horror makeup tutorials as soon as it drops below 65 degrees.

Maybe I just don’t get it. For me, the fun in Halloween is found in coming up with the costume, wearing the costume, going to a party of some kind, and I imagine when it is legal for one to do so, there is fun found in distancing oneself from sobriety as well (I would never do such heinous things). These things exist in October, but they are not the entirety of the month for me. There’s the NBA coming back, there’s a long weekend, and there’s birthdays for some loved ones.

On the other hand, those cretins allow their entire personage to be consumed by the #spookyszn. Where does the fun come from for them? I refuse to believe an entire month could be spent thinking of costumes, even during years like this one where someone dedicated to their craft could conceivably do 6 different costumes. I can only assume these fanatics sit at home all day listening to the monster mash (which is now stuck in my head, fucking bullshit).

I don’t know- call me a cynic. Maybe I don’t get into Halloween as much since my dog was put down on Halloween two years ago or maybe I’m just an asshole (if you’ve been paying any attention, it’s the latter).

NNNN

Editor’s Note:

Sorry about the dog Jake…let’s get spooky everyone!

 

CANCEL CHARLIE BROWN!!!

“There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and The Great Pumpkin.” -Linus

Backstory:

I strolled into class today (fashionably late) only to find out that we would be using the period as a study hall. Some students might question whether there was really a need for class when studying can be done anywhere- but not I! (I didn’t even make a $30,000 study hall joke- credit to me)

With that being said, I didn’t actually do any studying because our teacher threw on “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” for a little background noise.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for academic excellence.

But when Charlie Brown comes on-

You put the books away.

It was probably the first time I’d seen the half hour special in years and I was utterly shocked by some of the scenes in the movie.

Someone has to start the conversation that should’ve been had a long time ago:

CANCEL CHARLIE BROWN FOR STARTING THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!!

“Everyone tells me you are a fake, but I believe in you.

P.S- If you really are a fake, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”

-Linus

Hahaha- Linus you dummy! That imbecile spent his entire Halloween waiting for the Great Pumpkin to make their triumphant return. If the Pumpkin hasn’t come back yet what makes his dumbass think this year will be any different? You almost have to respect the blind commitment to the take.

Almost.

But Pat- what makes believing in Santa any different than the Great Pumpkin?

Because I used to believe in Santa…duh? Also, everybody knows that you should always believe what everyone else thinks. Even if you know there are some gaping holes within that belief it’s better to have blind faith. Nothing can go wrong from believing in something without any evidence to back it up.

George Michael said it best- “gotta have faith”!

Gee Pat- I guess you’re right. It’s a good thing this clip is only talking about the ‘Great Pumpkin’ vs. Santa Clause and not the actual religions of the world. That would be a lot scarier to think about.

Agreed; thank God for that.

NNNN

P.S- No matter what you believe, give these two clips a watch when you get a minute.

 

I Don’t Get Paid for This

By: Jake Sockett Twitter: @SockettJake Instagram: @jake.sockett

If you’re reading this blog chances are you’ve met me in person (or you know Pat, in which case allow me to introduce myself, I’m Jake it’s nice to meet you) and you know that from time to time I can be a bit of a *ahem* sarcastic douche.

Ok, most of the time.

This has nothing to do with the rest of the blog really, I just wanted to get everyone up to speed that I am, in fact, kind of an asshole.

I don’t get paid to write for No Names No Numbers. I don’t want to get paid to write for No Names No Numbers. I have absolute creative freedom and I’m not working “for” Pat. I’m collaborating with him in an effort for both of us to grow our brands and presence online.

It’s a great pairing.

With that being said, I do have deadlines to meet and I’ve had an incredibly busy weekend so I don’t really have anything fleshed out.

As a result, we’re going to briefly examine some recent thoughts of mine.

Brace yourselves:

1. I have only ever had hot dentists.

Mostly an observation here, but I’ve only had three dentists in my whole life and all three have been unbelievably good-looking people. Unfortunately, they are all dentists, which means they enjoy the pain of others and have no shame inflicting that pain.

Nevertheless- they are gorgeous.

2. Al Horford has beautiful eyes.

Credit to my dad for this one (shoutout Justin) because he pointed it out to me the other day that Al Horford has a very pretty pair of eyes.

Look at those. They’re so welcoming and loving. Those eyes just gave me a hug and told me it’s going to be okay.

3. We’re really lucky LeBron isn’t a piece of shit.

He goofed it real bad on that whole China tweet but besides that, LeBron has been an outstanding person throughout his career. We let eh athletes get away with heinous crimes often because of their money and status so imagine the opportunities LeBron would have if instead of opening schools he wanted to be a crime boss. He’d be running the country by now, and we’d let him do it because of the meme potential with that Wade alley-oop picture.

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4. Salt and vinegar chips are good*.

It has come to my attention that not everyone likes these chips. Those people are wrong, should feel bad about being wrong, and probably don’t deserve happiness. I’m sorry your palate isn’t mature enough to handle the complex flavors.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this manic trip through my mind. I could have gone on forever with this piece but thankfully I’ve decided this is enough.

Hopefully you gained something from this.

Probably not- but hey, at least now you know that I’m a sarcastic douche.

#IYKYK.

NNNN

Editor’s Note:

*- #IYKYK (And yes, I went reduced fat for a reason…Doughboys)

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