Breaking Down Some British Slang

By: Jake Sockett Twitter: @SockettJake Instagram: @jake.sockett

A good portion of my family lives in England.

I’ve got family in Hackney and Primrose Hill (which are two lovely neighborhoods of London) and my grandmother lives in Cambridge. When I was a little kid I spent a lot of time with these family members and as a result I got to know the city of London well. As I got older, I started to notice the smaller differences between Boston (or any American city for that matter) and London.

I noticed the big differences early on; the accents, the size of the city, the vastly different restaurants and the food options. But it was only over the last couple of years that I figured out my favorite thing about London (and really the United Kingdom in general)

I love British slang.

The slang that they use is:

1) way more fun to say 2) generally unrelated to what you’re really talking about so using them in the US is like speaking in code and 3) sometimes it’s downright hysterical-

Innit?

I’m going to teach you some UK slang so you and all your friends can talk like your favorite grime rappers (mine happens to be Dave, check out his album Psychodrama).

The Clapped to Rocket Scale:

This was introduced to me as slang used to talk about women, but fuck that noise. Talk about whoever you want with this scale. Stop gendering shit unnecessarily. Anyhow. If someone is clapped it means they’re pretty ugly. You really do hate to see it (you hate to be it even more). Try not to be clapped. Following clapped is a bird. If you’re a bird, it means you’re either an average looking person or you’re cute, user discretion is advised and it usually depends on context. After bird comes a fit bird, which is a very hot person. Finally comes rocket, which is the hottest person in the room and probably a top ten hottest person in your life. Use sparingly.

Going Quay for a Maccies Ting:

Going to Maccies (McDonalds) to get some food, but McDonald’s is quite aways away.

Getting Proper Sozzled*:

Taking oneself a sizeable distance from sobriety.

Knackered:

Very tired.

Going Full Grubblepuntz:

Going absolutely wild, usually with your mates.

Me Old China Plate:

Used to refer to an old friend. Comes from Cockney rhyming slang, which is entirely its own beast.

Spundunkeracoogus*:

Anything you want it to be.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this brief delve into the wonderful slang terms our friends across the pond like to use. I encourage you to do your own exploration of these words and phrases and even more so to use them amongst your friends.

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Editor’s note:

*-Might have to move to Britain just so I can start casually throwing this around.

Being From New Jersey 

By: Christine Feeley Twitter: @FeeleyChristine Instagram: @christinefeeley

I love meeting new people.

But sometimes I really hate having to introduce myself because one of the first questions people ask is “Hey, so where are you from?” and I’ll reply, “I’m actually from New Jersey!”.

What comes next is usually a look of poorly-masked judgement and the response:

“Oh… you’re from Joisey…does it smell there?”

I’d like to break this down a little bit. Starting with, “does it smell there?”. I’m sorry, are people aware that we’re the Garden State? It’s not my fault that you all stink it up every time you come visit! Second of all, I have never met a single human being who pronounces where they live as “Joisey”. This is a misconceived notion about an accent that does not exist, and the funny part is, it is most often perpetuated by the people who “pahk their cah”.

All my life I have been ridiculed for where I’m from simply because people are so deeply uneducated about it. And listen, there have been times that I’ve disliked New Jersey too. I was one of the few students in my grade who did not apply to Rutgers- because I knew I wanted out. But reflecting on that now, I think that was a product of being from a small town and not the state itself, because I genuinely never realized how much state pride I possessed until I started school at UMass.

Going to school in Massachusetts is weird. It’s remembering that “the city” here means Boston, not New York. It’s forgetting that not everyone knows about the state-wide debate over whether a particular type of breakfast meat is called Taylor ham or pork roll (It’s Taylor ham; no question). It’s taking a bite out of one of my favorite carbs and realizing that people here are living the biggest lie of them all- not knowing what a real bagel tastes like. It’s having to awkwardly explain to people that no, you don’t know how to pump your own gas. Or alternatively, sitting in the car at a gas station wondering why your friend is getting out of the driver’s seat before realizing that it’s because she has to do it herself and someone is not going to come do it for her.

There are honestly so many things that people up here have never experienced. Some of you have probably never had Playa Bowls, which is shocking and horrifying to me. Yes, we pay $13 for a bowl of blended up fruit drizzled with Nutella that we could easily make at home, but it is undoubtedly one of the best-tasting things you will ever spend your money on.

Another thing that often gets blank looks is when I tell people about MDW (or Memorial Day Weekend for those who might have trouble with standard acronyms). For us, the entire year leads up to what is essentially New Jersey’s state holiday where the entire grade plans extensively in advance to go down the shore – not “to the beach”. When the week arrives, the alcoholics usually skip school to go down on Wednesday, with everyone else arriving Thursday or Friday night, to begin what is essentially five straight days of dages.

Yes, they’re called “dages”- not “dartys”. 

But the point is, it’s honestly crazy to me that these things don’t exist for some people. I hate to say it, but all of you are really missing out. It’s sometimes baffling to me why people have such a strong judgement towards New Jersey, because there are actually so many great things about it.

I constantly have to defend myself.

Sure, we might have one of the 5 biggest heroin ports in the United States, but we also have the best bagels and pizza outside of New York City, fantastic international food, the highest number of millionaires – and horses – per capita, we’re the origin of the blueberry as well as cranberry bogs, we have beaches with boardwalks, mountains, forests, farms, easy access to both NYC and Philadelphia, great public schools and colleges, and we’re the birthplace and home to famous icons such as Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen, and Meryl Streep.

So why do we get so much hate? The answer is simple. People have never actually visited and instead choose to base their knowledge off of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey”. I’m sorry that you’re just jealous because Massachusetts doesn’t have its own TV show!

If we’re being real, there are so many better states to roast. Like if you want to pick an east coast state to shit talk, why not Connecticut?* Connecticut is like a teenager having an identity crisis – does it want to be a part of New England or the tri-state area? Half the people there would easily die for the Red Sox, but the rest would one hundred percent leave their husbands for Aaron Judge. I don’t know how they’re not facing the same sort of judgement that NJ receives, when they can’t even make up their mind about who they want to associate with!

And speaking of sports, yes, of course you guys have the best sports teams. I root for them too. But no one ever gives me the chance to give my explanation (I was born in New Hampshire, lived there for 4 years, and my dad’s side of the family all lived in Mass so I grew up with the fear of being disowned if I supported anyone but New England) because they immediately begin to roast the Giants and the Jets and all the other teams that I too, also think suck. 

But this is the sort of blatant prejudice I have faced my entire life, and it is the reason that I wish people were more educated about the state as a whole as well as the people within it. Mainly so they can realize that not everyone supports awful sports teams just because they happen to live there and that not everyone is white trash who dress like Snooki.

Because contrary to popular belief, my life is not an episode of “Jersey Shore”. I don’t drink “cawfee” and “warder”.

I drink coffee and water.

So the next time you meet someone who says that they’re from Jersey, don’t mock and judge them based on a TV show. Instead, think about how you would feel if the entirety of Massachusetts was judged based on Amherst.

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Editor’s Note:

Looks like Christine’s got some support on this one

 

The Most 1 Sided Battles in Human History

By Gerry Sullivan Twitter: @gerrysullivan12 and @UltSportsBlogs

The Patriots season has been a major beatdown so far. Sunday was easily their worst showing of the season and they still handled the Jets with ease. Last week’s game against the Dolphins was a beatdown. And the week before against the Steelers? Beatdown. Next week is against the 3-0 Bills and whether or not that game will be a competitive one remains to be seen.

Those 4 teams like to consider themselves rivals of the Patriots, but anyone with a brain knows that those are 1 sided battles. It got me thinking; what are the most 1 sided battles in the history of humanity?

So, without further ado, your official list of the most 1 sided battles in human history:

The NFL vs. The Patriots

I just talked about it and it’s an easy choice. In 19 years? 6 Super Bowls. 9 AFC Titles. Two separate dynasties. The best coach in history. The best quarterback in history. You know the drill.

Notre Dame vs. Teams That Are Actually Elite

The latest chapter of this fabled battle had a familiar ending on Saturday night with “powerhouse” Notre Dame shockingly dropping a nationally televised game against a top ranked team. Notre Dame is now just 1-19 vs top 5 teams in the last 20 seasons. Sheesh. But don’t worry, they’ll be ranked in the top 10 again by the beginning of next year.

Napoleon vs. The Russians

The French revolution- a time of rising French power across Europe led by the little general Napoleon Bonaparte. That is, until Napoleon opted to march into the Russian winter to try and take them on. He was bounced harder than a 16-year-old trying to get into a bar and got the boot off the French throne. Tough look for the little guy.

PS: Just googled it and it turns out Napoleon was 5’7. That’s not even that short. Weren’t people shorter in the 1800’s? Why did this guy get such a bad rap?

Hand Sanitizer vs. Germs

Maybe the most one-sided battle on this list. Despite the fact that hand sanitizer kills 99% of germs, they can never truly get that last 1%. Before you know it, you’re touching everything in sight, spreading your germs across the world. Nobody owns anything more than germs own hand sanitizer. Germs own the world and there is absolutely nothing hand sanitizer can do about it.

2014 Canton Freshman Basketball vs. Franklin

Nothing to see here. Not even sure why this one made the list. Might as well end it at this point since we’re just throwing things that shouldn’t be here on the list of one sided battles.

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Editor’s Note:

In regards to the last section (for all the non-02021 readers) …

Anyone who was on that team should never be allowed to so much as LOOK at a basketball again. #Couldn’tBeMe

I’m ALL in on TikTok

Trust me; I can’t believe it either.

The only things I knew (or thought I knew) before diving head first into the wild wild west of the internet were that it was an app that had spawned a couple viral tweets on Twitter and that it was a fan favorite amongst the 5-13 year-old demographic.

I had been a skeptic ever since my little brother (13 Y.O) first showed me the content that him and his friends had been cooking up along with the types of videos that were becoming wildly popular. To be entirely frank? It seemed stupid and unfunny to me.

But recently when I was listening to the one and only Gary Vaynerchuk (yes, you read that right- Gary Vee) deliver a Q & A regarding media to keep an eye on in the near future I was shocked to hear his #1 selection to start learning:

TikTok.

Despite all the tweets surrounding its users being {and I quote} “crackheads”, the app itself makes a whole lot of sense and it all starts with the algorithm (don’t get bogged down in that fancy word you learned half paying attention to in your high school calculus class and let me put this into layman’s terms).

Unlike the other social media apps currently available (Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, etc.) TikTok puts far less emphasis on followers and far more emphasis on content.

To demonstrate this, let’s take a look at my first attempt/experiment the other day:

This video got over 100 views on the app despite me having a grand total of zero followers. The reason for this is that TikTok actually gives a shit about hashtags. I threw in #work #corporate #corporatelife with no other research into the app and sure enough the video got some traction.

You might be thinking “Dude, you got a little over a hundred views on a mediocre comedy bit- relax” which is fair reasonable but I was astounded that someone just joining the app can already reach an (albeit small) audience.

I’m not saying I want to be a TikTok star or anything along the lines of that but it seems like a fantastic and free way to put yourself out there. Whether the point of putting yourself out there is to share your content tailored for the app or to promote your minuscule  tiny up and coming podcast- is up to you.

So that’s my take, I know most of you reading this are probably skeptical to say the least (which is totally understandable) but whether you want to recognize it or not TikTok is the fastest growing app in the world with now over 500 million (with a “M”) users worldwide and the other mediums are struggling to play catch up with an app that puts content over celebrity.

So channel your inner “crackhead” and hop on the bandwagon with me.

NNNN

P.S-

https://twitter.com/CertifiedLeggy/status/1165153580120236032?s=20

 

NNNN Episode 13 with Yaw and James

Lucky episode #13 has a loaded slate featuring:

-A fantastic interview with Yaw and James about rapping and starting up a clothing brand

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A few good men

 

 

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Album Cover

 

-UMass Hockey roundup

-Bruins/Celtics talk

-Damian Lillard

-NFL Draft

-Brock Hoffman story

Baseball’s unwritten rules

-“Stumble on shows”

-“Half hand raisers”

-“Things We Learned”

Enjoy, lets have ourselves a weekend, and of course don’t forget to leave a 5 star review:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/no-names-no-numbers/id1457394246