Let the record show I know what is best for professional athlete’s lives and career decisions. Agents? Overrated. Friends? Forget about them. Family? Don’t know shit. But as I played one whole season of varsity football (still waiting on my first D1 offer) I knew where Kyler’s heart was at- without ever even meeting him.
Some might call it luck.
I call it a gift.
I’m an athlete whisperer.
Obviously if you’re Murray you go baseball over football but it’d be a lot better for me if he played both. Hope he takes that into consideration when making his decision https://t.co/JOe9rcrNvs
“Who doesn’t know the basic rules of the only place that keeps us from being the same as Apes?”
To which I would have to counter with; more than you’d think.
Because of this confusion, I figured the fine people of the internet could use a refresher course on how this sacred place shall be used.
Rule #1: The far left stall is for pee ONLY (no exceptions)
Now I know many people have conflicting feelings about “unwritten rules” but one that I have always abided by is “You don’t poop in the piss stall”. There are no urinals in the bathrooms of residential halls so this distinction must be made in order for our community to stay afloat. Originally, I wrote “some exceptions” in the parentheses in cases of absolute emergencies but then I thought back on my public bathroom poop anxiety and remembered; you can always suck it back up.
Rule #2: When showering please keep a buffer stall between you and others
Same can be said for dropping a deuce but I really think about showering when it comes to this rule. Maybe I am paranoid (I am) but why should I have to worry about a peeping Dom (notice I didn’t say “Tom” in solidarity with my friend; kudos to me) tryna cop a look at my prized possession…
My beautiful blue eyes.
Rule #3: Have fun in there!
Play your music at max volume! Grunt excessively! Let people know you’re in there to get after it!
Follow these three rules and you will never have to worry about trips to the porcelain throne or body cleansing machines again.