I Don’t Get Paid for This

By: Jake Sockett Twitter: @SockettJake Instagram: @jake.sockett

If you’re reading this blog chances are you’ve met me in person (or you know Pat, in which case allow me to introduce myself, I’m Jake it’s nice to meet you) and you know that from time to time I can be a bit of a *ahem* sarcastic douche.

Ok, most of the time.

This has nothing to do with the rest of the blog really, I just wanted to get everyone up to speed that I am, in fact, kind of an asshole.

I don’t get paid to write for No Names No Numbers. I don’t want to get paid to write for No Names No Numbers. I have absolute creative freedom and I’m not working “for” Pat. I’m collaborating with him in an effort for both of us to grow our brands and presence online.

It’s a great pairing.

With that being said, I do have deadlines to meet and I’ve had an incredibly busy weekend so I don’t really have anything fleshed out.

As a result, we’re going to briefly examine some recent thoughts of mine.

Brace yourselves:

1. I have only ever had hot dentists.

Mostly an observation here, but I’ve only had three dentists in my whole life and all three have been unbelievably good-looking people. Unfortunately, they are all dentists, which means they enjoy the pain of others and have no shame inflicting that pain.

Nevertheless- they are gorgeous.

2. Al Horford has beautiful eyes.

Credit to my dad for this one (shoutout Justin) because he pointed it out to me the other day that Al Horford has a very pretty pair of eyes.

Look at those. They’re so welcoming and loving. Those eyes just gave me a hug and told me it’s going to be okay.

3. We’re really lucky LeBron isn’t a piece of shit.

He goofed it real bad on that whole China tweet but besides that, LeBron has been an outstanding person throughout his career. We let eh athletes get away with heinous crimes often because of their money and status so imagine the opportunities LeBron would have if instead of opening schools he wanted to be a crime boss. He’d be running the country by now, and we’d let him do it because of the meme potential with that Wade alley-oop picture.

Wade meme

4. Salt and vinegar chips are good*.

It has come to my attention that not everyone likes these chips. Those people are wrong, should feel bad about being wrong, and probably don’t deserve happiness. I’m sorry your palate isn’t mature enough to handle the complex flavors.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this manic trip through my mind. I could have gone on forever with this piece but thankfully I’ve decided this is enough.

Hopefully you gained something from this.

Probably not- but hey, at least now you know that I’m a sarcastic douche.

#IYKYK.

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Editor’s Note:

*- #IYKYK (And yes, I went reduced fat for a reason…Doughboys)

Image result for salt and vinegar cape cod

Lavar Ball is the Greatest PR Man of Our Generation

Much like many aspects of the world we live in, there is tons of polarity when it comes to the man who claims to be able to beat MJ 1 v. 1 (Lavar Ball the GOAT). But regardless of if you think he is either a #1 Dad or overbearing apache helicopter parent you have to respect the man’s ability to PR his ass off.

Do I ever believe a word that comes out of Lavar’s mouth? Yes (he could probably beat MJ). But other than one of the boldest predictions of all-time? No. This is a guy that I think knows exactly what he is doing. Say outrageous shit and the masses will eat it up like a twenty piece nugget on a 3am run to McDonalds.

But Pat if you feel that way why are you adding fuel to the fire by writing about him?

Because I respect the hell out of a guy that despite so much hate on him continues to give the people what they want. It’s not like him saying “LeBron will be nothing without Lonzo” is hurting anyone (except maybe LeBron’s liver- wine night here we come!). So who cares if he is intentionally looney tunes? I don’t.

If I learned one thing in Journalism class 1st semester (up and coming big J journo) it is that we must recognize our biases. If you couldn’t already tell I am one of the biggest fans of BBB in the nation.

BBB
Big Baller Brand’s target demographic

How much did you pay for that shirt you fucking moron?

If you have to ask…you can’t afford it!*

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*- $49.99 plus shipping and handling

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